Puppy Humour
• A telephone call soon after the sale of a puppy. A very disturbed voice reports: the puppy has some pimples upon his belly, it is for sure allergy or something worse! I ask to the bring puppy for examination, since by phone it is too difficult to define if the situation is demanding any interference.
The puppy is brought in. He is quite healthy, joyful, his little belly is clean. I cannot understand the owner`s suspicions and ask the young man: „Where are the pimples?” And he answers defiantly: „And what is this, by your mind? And in two rows!” I try to hide my smile: „There are just nipples.” The lad is somewhat embarassed but does not surrender: „But I`ve bought a male dog, a boy, what nipples can he have?” And I have to make the analogy with the owner himself. For better visualisation.
• A telephone call after an hour after the sale of a puppy: „We are sorry, we have just bought a puppy, everything is all right, don`t be disturbed! But we wanted a girl, and you`ve given us a boy!” I am slightly taken aback: from where "a boy” could appear if there are only "girls” in the litter, than I ask carefully: "And where is the cock? In the middle of the belly, or below, between the legs?” And I listen to the answer: "Between the legs, but very-very big!”
• A telephone call in the middle of the night: "Excuse us for God`s sake, but there is an accident with our puppy! We gave him some beet in the evening, and now his urine has strange color. I have tasted it, and it is bitter! Perhaps you know what does it mean?” Half asleep, I answer not too tactfully: "To my mind, you are crazy!” And the answer is interrogative and relieved: "Do you really think so?”
• Selling a bulldog puppy to a family where there is already quite a „serious” bullterrier, I try to explain carefully that for safety considerations they must not be let together, especially alone, without supervision. Inspite of all the assurance that the bullterrier is well bred and will not hurt the puppy, I feel uneasy. In several hours the telephone rings, and I hear a distressed and upset voice: "We are so sorry, we did not obey you and let them together.” Well, I think, this is the end. That`s what they have come to: the beast of prey has eaten up my poor little bully. With sinking heart and in a trembling voice I ask: „And what?..” And in answer I get a question: "And for how long will he bother the life out of our poor bullterrier?”
• A telephone call in several days after the sale. The newly-made owner reports with anxiety: "The puppy after eating is sitting in the corner and jerking with his shoulders!” – "What is he jerking with?” – "His shoulders together with his body!” – "Could he be hiccoughing?” – "Oh, really he could... But we thought he was croaking!”
• A telephone call with a request for help to choose a puppy from the litter. But unfortunately I can be free only in two hours. An upset man`s voice argues that he needs it just now and demands an urgent consultation by phone. All right. Apart from all the rest I explain to him that he must examine the teeth attentively and check the testicles. After that an astonished question follows: „And where the testicles are to be, where to look for them?” Slightly taken aback, I try to introduce claritu: "Do you ask me about it?” The answer was after the manner of the question: "Yes, indeed...”
• At 8.30 in the morning of a day off I get a telephone call from a regular newly-made bulldog ower: "My puppy needs a pedigrill, when can I get it?” Half asleep, I cannot understand at once, what puppy and what "grill”. In answer i hear: "Well, my puppy, the bulldog whom we`ve bought from you... The grill where all his parents are!”
Have you got it? I also had. They wanted the puppy`s pedigree.